Dear Friends and Family…
I’m sorry to inform you all that, due to circumstances out of my control, I have recently been required to purchase a train ticket and as such, will now be filing for bankruptcy.
I am aware that this news will come as a shock to many of you, particularly those who witnessed me taking £20 to the pub last night and leaving with £17.80 in change… But I’m afraid this simply was not enough to cover such luxuries as travelling to work by train when my car has broken down.
I must admit that I only have myself to blame for this dramatic turn of events, all the signs were there that rail travel was simply too far out of my price bracket; the 7-strong team of men in orange jackets employed to simply wander around the station pointing at things, the tracksuit wearing chap I can only assume to be the Earl of Westminster who saw fit to drop-kick cumbersome 2 pence pieces found in his pockets, the stylised ‘distressed look’ plush seats on the train complete with artisticly placed stains… I should have known.
Alas, with one of the fastest, most timely and well maintained rail networks in the world, as a nation we must be prepared to pay the associated costs and accept that employment is simply a means of affording expensive hobbies such as getting to work.
(Not so) Sincerely,